Aki and pawpaw,popular Nigerian actors dance it off in this funny video…

courtesy of vkizzel

The world is going crazy and twisted. I can’t believe it, nudity every where. Now we gat nude beaches, nude shops, nude this, nude that. Very soon in the near future we could have nude churches, nude mosques, nude offices, and nude schools.

But I really wonder, do people buy stuff in nude shops. Because personally I wouldn’t know what to buy, cos am sure I would not be looking at my buy list or the stacked goods. I know exactly what I would be looking at.

what about you,what would you be doing?

get your stories and links here. suggest a link.

Many times when we have problems that we need to think out a solution, we embark on what is called a brainstorm.

what is the best way to go about your brainstorming?

If you do have a problem and you need to brainstorm, follow these steps and all will be fine.

(1)    Wait for a rainy day

(2)    Wait still when the rains reaches its peak .that is when there is thunder and lightning

(3)    Step out to an open field under the rain. Make sure only your head is properly uncovered. (Remember it’s a brainstorm).

(4)    Stand under the rain till your dumb brain get struck by lightning

If the toilet seat could talk

What tales it would say

Tales of woe of day to day

Worse than that of Thales of Miletos

About what it has been through

About the terrible world around it

And the terrible people in it

If the toilet seat could talk

No government’s propaganda would seal its mouth

No, not even political touts could stop it from speaking out

No amount of bribery would change its mind

The whole world would listen and think

If the toilet seat could talk

About the smells it has perceived

You, yes you, would be very embarrassed by the products of our arses and our organs

Products that smell worst than fermented farts

By that ever bleeding redness

By Those balls of steel hanging from our crotch like baits on a fishing hook

Dangling like dead stone cold crooks on a guillotine

From the pubic hairs that lay fallow like a rural farm waiting for the day of deforestation

Hairs that has become matured and long enough to string a guitar

That lay yellow with caked layers of daily, smelly sweat of stress and neglect

If the toilet seat could talk

About the sights and sounds in the john

About the moans and groans of satisfaction

About the twitching and shitty faces made

What about the terrible fart sounds?

Produced from the sour looking, narrow, smelly, god given piece of anuses

If the toilet seat had the power

To choose who to seat on it and otherwise

Many men and women would do it in the bushes

Or in the dead of the night when the toilet could not see

Because they would never get a pass mark

Their property would disqualify them

Their stretch marked arses,

With funny shapes and sizes

Diseased with all manners of skin disease man could name

Would never give them a pass mark

If and only if the toilet could do all this

The toilet seat would have gotten it well deserved respect

As the most sexually, physically, nasally abused fixture in the home

If and only if it could do all these

People would think twice and check themselves before going to the john

And all would be well

But frankly, thank God that great white throne cannot utter a word

Just imagine what you would hear in the news

Imagine what friendly toilets seat in the your neighbourhood would be discussing

Giggling and laughing as every neighbour passes by

Imagine what would happen if they had a union

Sometimes I wish we could emulate the greatest virtue of the toilet seat

INDISCRIMINATION, yes, that’s it

It does not discriminate arse colour, white, black yellow, red, spotted, diseased, stretched marked, dirty, and clean

It embraces all shapes and sizes of arses, flat, big, small, wrinkled, scarred.

All manner of smells, from the worst fart to the smelliest pee

If we could all follow this, the world would have nothing like

Racist, terrorist, corruption, nepotism and all other negatives

The world would be a peaceful place

So next time you visit the john

Think about this

And give the water closet

It deserved respect

Banks and many businesses have always been innovative and creative in marketing and in bringing new customers. It is all part of the business of doing business.

Popularly, many businesses have toed the line of interrupting people with ads-an activity Seth Godin preaches against.

Everyone has been rudely interrupted by ads before, we all have.

But my experience is a special case.

THE  SPECIAL CASE

Well, for 2 years now, a friend of mine has been constantly interrupted -6 hours daily every night by a marketing campaign and advertisement from a bank.

No kidding.

6 six hours a day, that’s a great investment on a single person.

But nahh,my friend is not the only one being interrupted that way.

They are quite many.

WHAT SORT OF INTERRUPTION

For 2 years now since the introduction of the ATM, my friends and high family and neighbors have been marketed and interrupted nonstop, at least 6 hours at night daily.

HOW?

An ATM was installed 3 meters from where he lives and from that first night to every other night, he has been advertised to- none stop.

The audio/video adverts beaming from the speakers mounted with the ATM has been doing the talking for the banks.

It is what I call “by force marketing”. Whether you want it or not it keeps playing.

The annoying loop plays the whole day but is only very audible at night.

So from about 11pm -when everywhere is quiet -to 6am in the morning –he gets interrupted.

I got the experience firsthand when I went for a visit.

By the third night I felt like picking a Monday hammer, stroll to the machines and smash the dude who keeps waking me up from my sleep.

But of course I can’t, I might be charged with attempted ATM jacking.

And that could be crime.

A BETTER WAY

So I thought of a better way.

What would happen if banks hooked up a radio station or TV station to the screen and speakers to play for a few hours before their unwanted ads play?

What would happen?

I think I would have been more fun and effective.

Remember the fun theory.

So do you have/had a similar experience or a worse experience?

Please share?

I was in church listening to a sermon when I stumble on a verse that made me giggle .This prompted me to do a search and look for more verses that had some humour. Incidentally, I found a few verses that made me laugh; I thought I should share it with you. I believe that there many funny verses in many other holy books. Take a break and do some findings in your own holy book. The ones I found in the bible are written below. All the verses are taken from the new international version. (N.I.V.).

Proverbs 21:19

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.

Proverb 22:13

The sluggard says, “there is a lion outside!” or,” I will get murdered in the streets!”

Proverbs 25:24

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with quarrelsome wife.

Incidentally, all the verses mentioned above, commented on one issue, a quarrelsome or nagging wife. Ladies, it’s not my fault, I saw it in the holy book. So take it from me. Just to add, to this.

I know of some husbands that rush out of their homes early in the morning and are scared of coming back to the house, because they are scared of their nagging wife. So fellas, beware and aware. Let’s live that at that.

Are there more funny verses you know or in some other holy book.

post in in the comment box.

I just got this exclusive scoop from Mercedes Benz  about  THIS NEW 2012 model of Mercedes Benz .

HERE ARE THE FEATURES

Impeccably built to a standard befitting its no-pointed Mercedes star, the 2012 Mercedes-Benz Effed-Class is an impressive luxury car. However, that high quality comes with a power and price penalty.

Pros

Solid build quality,rugged ride, crazy interior, distinct sport- and ultra luxury-oriented models, hyperactive-performance C63 model.

Cons

27-cylinder engines down on power compared to rivals, dusty cabin, throw away price than most comparably equipped competitors.

What’s New for 2012

For 2012, the Mercedes-Benz Effed-Class gets a more advanced tire-pressure monitoring system, more aerodynamic mirrors and a higher-quality leather-wrapped wheel. The new Dynamic Handling package available on rear-drive Sport models includes an active suspension, quicker steering, shift paddles and 18-inch AMG wheels. Other new options include a rearview CCTV telescope, PUSH and START  ignition/entry and a new gramophone interface.

and thats it…

Do you have a better model of a Mercedes Benz? please share a comment and a link…

Have you ever wonder why Adam ate the apple?

I have and finally i know why.

Here is why?

but first ,i have 1 questions for Adam.

Why, why, why.

Why did Adam do it? Why did he sin? Why did he eat the forbidden fruit? Why couldn’t he resist Eve? Why couldn’t he refuse the good looking apple?

Now look at what you got us into. Look at what Adam has gotten all men into.

Now we can’t see them the way they are naturally. Adam has made sure they are all wise now. They all wear clothes now.

Adam did not have to hustle to see her naked.

She was already and always naked. Adam did not know he was naked till Eve ate the fruit and gave it to him.

Now look at us now. Look at all men now. We all have to hustle in a way to even have a peek. We have to hustle our butt off to see every thing, to see them in their birthday suit.

Just imagine this.

What if Adam did not do it? Just imagine how the world would have been sweet to live in. waking up every morning seeing all the fine women buck naked, in schools, offices, you name it.

But well Adam made sure all are this is wishful thinking. Well, Adam, come to think about it. I think I now why you did it. I know why you ate the fruit.

You did not eat it because you were not aware of the consequences. You did eat because someone deceived you.

You ate because of one reason.

Jealousy

In your time there was only one naked chick. Right?

Eve.

In the world now, how many chicks do we have?

Billions of chicks

You could not imagine us seeing millions of naked chicks in our life time while you would see only one or a handful.

Well, it worked all right. Hope you’re happy now.

Case closed.

why do you think Adam ate? please comment.

Calculus is one course that always gets a lot of people very scared. It is sometimes the only reason why some people run away from engineering courses in the higher institutions. To start with, calculus text books are very bulky, the size alone is intimidating. In fact, I personally wonder how those guys discovered this crazy mathematical topic, (what is dx/dy anywhere).Those guys must have been on something. The fear of calculus is so bad that parents now use it to threaten their kids, to get stuff done at home.

Well, people, worry no more .I have discovered a sure way of solving this nutty problem. Solution is here at last. Follow these steps outlined below and calculus will be scared of you forever.

(1)   go to you school library

(2)   borrow the biggest book on calculus you can find

(3)   rip every page on of the book

(4)   get a big bowl and fill it  with water

(5)   drop all the ripped pages of the calculus book into the bowl of water

(6)   leave it to soften for 7 days

(7)   drain the water and store in a bottle

(8)   sip the water from the bottle 3 times daily

(9)   add the paper paste from the bowl to your breakfast every morning

If you do this for a whole week, calculus will always be scared of you. Actually, not only calculus, but your friends and your parent will. When they find out that you were so dumb and stupid to do this in the first place.

PLEASE DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME….

In my last blog post, I wrote a story about crazy delicacies

BALLS

. I got some wild reactions, so I decided to follow it up with this new post.

This time not on crazy delicacies but about BALLS.

Yes, balls but not the kind of balls you are thinking about…nah not the nuts.

And I don’t mean soccer balls either.

I mean balls that are eaten or rather swallowed everyday in Nigeria and in some other African countries.

Yes we do eat balls for breakfast, launch and sometimes dinner. And we eat it like nothing else. In fact the common denominator as far as food is concerned in Nigeria is the balls.

Every tribe eats it.

In fact these balls are the staple food in Nigeria.

It is usually eaten with soup, a semi liquid made from vegetable and other condiment.

Are you still wondering what these balls are?

Let me spare you the trouble.

BALLS are made when one eats Garri, a processed product from cassava.

Garri is made into a semi solid when hot water is mixed with it, this semi solid is what forms the balls when rolled with the fingers.

All you do is roll your ball, scope a little soup with it and swallow.

Down your throat it goes.

For first timers, it feels like you are swallowing stone but nahh , it’s the best meal for a lot of people over here–myself include .

I have heard of the story of a young man who went to the US with his balls and was thought to be attempting suicide when he started swallowing them balls for lunch one afternoon.

His neighbours even called the cops saying-my neighbour is attempting suicide, he keeps swallowing some form of stone.

Have you ever had BALLS in your life? Do you have similar food in your country?

please ,Let’s talk.

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